I wrote this post two years ago around July when I  taking this big step back to reexamine my life. I had to publish it onto this new blog as a reminder…  -N


Reading: Getting the Pretty Back by Molly Ringwald
Music: Mixtape of Butch Walker, The Clash and The Smiths

On the conquest of pursuing happiness these past months, I decided I would read more books, taking some time to myself to reflect on my life, and really get a grasp on enjoying what’s out there in the world. No matter how many books or blog entries I read on this topic, there are many out there who are also trying to pursue the same thing. Being happy or at least content.

There are five things I’ve come to realize:

1. You need to change in order to feel that happiness
I hate to admit it but by changing my mindset and really taking a BIG step back to examine the entire picture, I see what has and hasn’t been making me happy. Cutting the negativity out of my life is worthwhile, keeping in touch with those who matter most is key and treating yourself with the utmost respect. Something I struggle with to this day. Hey, we’re our own worse worth critic.

2. Treat relationships with respect
I have had several relationships where people has come and gone. The ones that has stood by you through it all and who has accepted you for who you really are, are to me the ones who matter the most. I’m not completely the same person I was 2 years ago or 5 years ago and so anything like Molly writes that was done in the past, really should remain in the past. It’s fine to cherish all the fond memories but if you can’t always see eye to eye, either you have to accept that person for who they are now or let go.

3. Sometimes it’s okay to say No.
I used to run around rugged last year attempting to make time for everyone and thought wow, “What the heck have I gotten myself into?!” I was literally running around to the point where I was starting to get migraines again and stressing myself out. The migraine was a sign. I needed to relax! It’s okay to say No. Sometimes you need that time to yourself to just relax and recharge.

4. Holding a grudge just doesn’t work
I have a hard time with that saying “Forgive and Forget.” I admit I will tend to forgive but I can’t always forget. In the end though, all the nonsense and small spats really doesn’t matter especially ten years from now so why should they matter now?

The more I held on to all that negativity, the more I couldn’t move on from the hung-ups, the occasional insults, repeated condescending behavior. By letting all of that build up over time, instead of mentioning how I felt from the start, effected how people treated me and worsen the relationships even further.

A friend has taught me that what really helps is to learn from that experience then let go of all the negative thoughts, otherwise how else are you going to truly heal?
I admit I’m still struggling to push out all of the negative thought process that has been so skillfully embedded in my brain but overtime, I’m slowly letting go.

5. Pursuing the unknown
It’s okay to not have all the answers and not always follow what everyone else is doing. If say we took that plunge and decided to do what we truly feel is right even though everyone else thinks otherwise, it’s okay! Besides my mom, I admire Freddie Mercury and Audrey Hepburn. Both overcame obstacles to propel themselves into the spotlight and quite frankly if you can stand on your own two feet and take chances, then at least you’ve lived your life. That’s not to say I think it’s okay to quit your job if you have many bills to pay but find a middle ground to do your own thing.

I admit I’m not sure what that middle ground is at the moment. I know I will figure it out eventually.